Sex is complicated. Anal sex is even more so. For those who want to know how to have anal sex, you have come to the right place!
Having anal sex for the first time isn’t easy, I know! But, if done right, anal sex can be some of the best sex you will ever have!
I have written a lot of articles over the years of months about getting ready before sex, picking the right condoms, and what to do after. These have all been popular with readers and I have gotten some great feedback (thank you, everyone).
This is the next step. A comprehensive, one-stop resource to give you a better idea of how to have anal sex for the first time.
How to Have Anal Sex: The Compete Guide
Before we talk about how to have anal sex, let’s start with the basics. If you are going to have good sex then first and foremost, you need to be in touch with both your mind and body.
Keeping both in sync and listening to them is the first step to learning how to have anal sex that feels great!
What Most People get wrong about anal sex is that the most important sex organ is not your penis, or your bottom.
The Mind is the Most Important Sex Organ
More than you may realize, sex is all about your state of mind. Your brain is a powerful tool – It controls everything from your thoughts, feelings, movements, emotions, and your orgasm!
The biggest fear for anyone who has never had anal sex is definitely the pain. This doesn’t help when being nervous or uptight is your absolute worst enemy when bottoming.
If you are not comfortable and mentally ready, it will cause your body to tense up – and that is a bad thing.
Sex is not something you should rush into or do on a whim. You need to be comfortable and ready. It takes trust, communication, and patience.
Put simply, if you are not in the right state of mind, then your body won’t be either.
On the other hand, if your are in the RIGHT state of mind, you can have some of the most enjoyable anal sex imaginable!
Listen To Your Body
The simple most important piece of advice I can give to anyone starting out is to listen to what your body is telling you. Follow’s its cues and pay attention to what it is trying to tell you.
Before I knew how to have anal sex, I always thought anal sex had to be painful, but this is completely false! The fact is:
Bottoming should not hurt.
In fact, it should be some of the best sex that you have ever had!
To put it simply, pain Is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong.
This may mean you need to slow down, relax, and change what your are doing. It may be even saying “I’m not ready yet.”
And that’s OK!
The most important skill is to learn how to read what your body is telling you and adapt what you are doing accordingly.
Learn How to Control Your Anal Sphincter
Before you have anal sex for the first time, you need to train your anus! Your anal sphincter is the muscle located at the anal entrance. You can think about this as the gate keeper to your butt.
And like any muscle in your body it can be torn or injured. This is why anal sex so often is painful! The good news is, that like every other muscle, it can also trained, exercised, and stretched!
Just like before any serious exercise, we need to stretch to prevent injury, the same is true here.
Our goal is to train a muscle which is naturally tense and tight, to be relaxed and flexible.
How to Prepare for Anal Sex: One Week Before
Before you have anal sex for the first time, we need to do a little anal training. Do you remember in gym class how at first you couldn’t touch your toes, but when you stretched everyday it became second nature?
Well we are going to do the same thing here. When you are just starting out, you might struggle to slip a finger in, but with the right work out routine, you’ll be ready to take a full dick in no time.
Anal Sex Training Supplies
Before we dive into what to do before and during your first time on the playing field, you need to have the right equipment.
In the following sections I will explain how to use these to prepare for anal sex, but as a general run down you will need:
- Anal Lube
- Lube Injector
- Anal Enema
- Anal Trainer Kit
What is An Anal Trainer Kit?
More than anything, it is thickness or “girth” that will cause sphincter tearing or pain.
An anal trainer kit works by starting with a narrow anal plug, and slowly moving up in size from the tip to the base.
This lets your body move slowly between tapered thicknesses and work up to a more realistic thickness.
Using it is simple – On your first few days of practice, use the smallest size. As you get more comfortable you can slowly move up. Once you are able to manage the largest size, you are ready for real anal sex!
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Yes, things like hand lotion work, but many lubes are not designed for anal sex, and are not condom safe.
If you want to be as safe and comfortable as possible you should get a lubricant designed for anal sex.
Even better, there are many lubricants made specifically for anal sex and do the job better than almost anything out there.
I have used Pjur Analyse Me! for years because it is super slippery, long-lasting, and has an anal relaxant to help loosen you up and prevents pain.
Choosing the Best Anal Lube
Everyone has their different preferences, and I recommend choosing the lube that best suits you.
You can read more in our full guide, The Best Anal Lubes here.
Lube injectors are also an excellent tool to help make anal sex easier and are a great way to get lots of lube inside without making a mess.
They work like a syringe and literally shoot lube deep inside. They cost about $10 and are way more comfortable and easier to use than trying to shove gobs of lube in with your finger.
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I believe in every person’s right to free choice. But, the choices we make have real risks and trade-offs. That is especially true when choosing to wear a condom.
If you are going to have anal sex then I cannot stress how important it is to use a condom.
Having anal sex makes you are around 10 times more likely to transmit an STD compared to any other type of sex. The risk is real. That is why it is so important to use one.
Picking the Right Condom for Anal Sex
Luckily, wearing a condom doesn’t have to suck. Today, condoms are thinner and stronger than ever before.
By having safer-sex you now make little compromise in terms of safety vs. feel.
Additionally, most medical centers and clinics give out free condoms. Health services and safe-sex programs have gotten so wide-spread that if you know where to look, you could easily never pay for condoms.
If though, you feel like buying your own, then there are a great selection of condoms ideal for anal sex.
Our top pick is Lifestyles Ultra Lubricated condoms because you will NEVER worry about these breaking.
View Full List:
Best Condoms for Anal Sex
Anal Sex Preparation
One of the biggest fears most people have when learning how to have anal sex the first time is getting over the poop phobia.
It is understandable because no one wants to lose their backdoor virginity only to be greeted by a poop dick.
Here is some good news though:
Push your fears aside, because with the right steps and preparation, the whole “poop” thing is not a part of anal sex.
Cleaning Up the Natural Way
The easiest way to clean out your pipes is pretty straight forward. Simply start to limit what you eat 24 hours before having anal sex.
Then, about 1 to 2 hours before, use the bathroom normally, but take your time.
Give yourself a good 20 minutes to let your body naturally move everything out on its own.
After, take a shower and clean your butt hole.
Clean the entrance with a finger and some mild soap and warm water about in inch inside.
Lastly, wait about an hour before sex and you should be completely clean!
Planning ahead is a lot of work I know, and sometimes sex is spontaneous.
The alternative if you are crunched for time or want to be extra thorough is douching using an anal enema.
Douching is simply using water to flush your bowels out completely.
This works by using water to help to loosen up anything that might be lingering behind, and it makes everything empty out – fast.
Plus, douching with an enema will make anal sex more comfortable as a bottom and help set aside that first-timer anxiety.
I didn’t start to douche until about a year after I started having sex, but boy does douching make a difference.
I have been using this Anal Douche for some time because it is comfortable, simple, and affordable.
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Douching may sound a little strange when reading about it for the first time, but using an enema is much more common than you might think.
Most people I know do douche, even if they are shy to talk about it. Just think – porn stars don’t get that squeaky clean without a little help.
For a more in-depth walk-through, you can check out our guide on How to Use an Anal Enema here.
Enemas and Douching Before Anal Sex
Anal Sex Starter Kit
For everything you need to have anal sex the first time we recommend checking out the anal sex starter kit.
It comes with:
- An Anal Enema,
- Two Cock Rings,
- Two Lube Shooters,
- Toy Cleaner
- Pjur Analyse Me Comfort Anal Lube,
- An Anal Plug Starter Set of 3
The kit gives you everything you need to work up to size at your own pace and together will save you about $40.
How to Have Anal Sex: The Real Thing
As I mentioned in the beginning, being relaxed and in the right state-of-mind can make all the difference when having good sex.
Foreplay is a great way to set the mood, and make your body ready for the real thing, and is a great thing to try when learning how to have anal sex for your first time.
Atmosphere is key. Everyone has different preferences but be creative. Try playing music to set the mood. Light some candles or adjust the lighting. Little things can help add to the experience and make you more relaxed.
Rimming – How to Rim and Get Rimmed
Yes, that’s right, rimming, licking butt, eating ass, whatever you want to call it. Think of it like a massage with your tongue – and man does it feel great.
Now, I know what you are thinking, and I have one word for you – hygiene.
If you wash properly with soap and water before and make sure you clean about an inch inside, I promise you, you will be cleaner than a whistle.
Communication, Communication, Communication!
Sex is a two person game. That means communication in both directions. I know that this is a skill not everyone is great at, but it is essential if you are going to have great sex. Talk to each other, and read each other’s body language.
“Communication starts even before entering the bedroom.”
If you are nervous, express your concerns before actually having sex. Tell him your thoughts, worries, and expectations. He is probably just as nervous as you are.
Make sure you are both on the same page, and giving each other tips and expectations will make the whole experience go a lot smoother.
Talking during sex is just as important. If he is moving too fast, then speak up! If you need more lube, tell him!
When you feel uncomfortable or if you ever need something then the best thing to do is to simply say so.
On the other hand, be sure to ask him questions, and talk about how he is feeling. Make sure that you are both in sync throughout the process.
Tops, are not always the most considerate towards bottoms – usually because they are not the ones who are in pain. I get it, they are horny, and they are about to get laid. But gosh damn it slow down!
Going slowly is something you need to make clear the first time you have sex as a bottom and are learning how to have anal sex. Tell him he needs to go slowly and move-in when you are comfortable.
Also, make sure to use plenty of lube inside and out. Also, give him lots of lube for good measure too.
Now, have him enter slowly.
Start with just the tip. Remember, this is probably your first time.
Your body isn’t quite sure what’s happening and you need to give yourself time to get used to this new feeling.
Bottoming for the First Time
Once you are comfortable, let him move in small increments.
When I say small I am talking millimeters a time.
Next, wait a few seconds and have him pull out a little. Then have him move back in, this time, a tiny bit more.
Wait, and pull out and go in just a bit further.
Repeat this and listen to your body. Give yourself time to relax, and eventually things will naturally loosen up.
Sometimes it takes 1 minute to get used to the feeling and sometimes it takes 10, but be patient.
Eventually, you will be surprised how relaxed your anal muscles will be. Just remember, anal sex should not hurt.
When he is fully in, it’s OK to have him wait inside while you adjust to the new feeling. This might sound strange but I am totally serious.
Sex is NOT like porn and you won’t be pumping it out right after you start – especially on your first time. You need time to work up to that point.
Move up slowly and soon enough you’ll be going at it.
Know When to Stop
You have come this far but always remember – It is OK to stop!
Anal sex is tricky business. Not everyone gets it on their first try, and it is not worth having a painful, miserable first experience.
Your priority should be protecting yourself and making sure you don’t get hurt.
Also, don’t worry about disappointing the other person. If he truly cares about you then he will understand. And remember, you can always try again!
No matter how much you prepare, there is always a risk of getting fissures, or small tears from anal sex.
Fissures and hemorrhoids are not fun, and seeing blood after anal sex can be a very scary experience. The best thing to do is treat your fissures quickly and follow a few simple steps to prevent them in the future.
The first thing to do is keep those fissures clean. This is the most important tip of all to make sure they heal quickly!
Right after sex, take a shower and push outward slightly to expose the cuts. Rinse well with warm water.
It will hurt but you need to do this as soon as possible. Also, make sure to do this every time you go to the bathroom in the following days.
If you stay on top of it and keep the area clean then your fissures should clear up within a few days.
If they are especially painful, try using a little lube every time before going to the bathroom. It will sting, but it will help move things along.
Avoiding fissures and hemorrhoids is just as important and much better than getting them in the first place. Simple things like drinking lots of water every day and staying properly hydrated can help keep your body lubricated which will, in turn, make your stool softer when going to the bathroom.
Also, eating a high fiber diet with fruits and vegetables will keep your digestive system in tip-top shape. Try avoiding dairy as well as high acid foods, and especially spicy foods.
Lastly, you should try to poop at least once a day, every day, if not more. Make it a habit. This will really help, I promise. Using the bathroom regularly helps to make sure your stool stays soft and easy to pass.
For some people no matter what they do, bottoming still hurts. The best thing to do is to continue practicing on your own and learning to relax your sphincter muscles. Remember to breathe deeply and not to tense up.
If you are still having problems then anal relaxants are a great way to get that extra help to loosen up a bit and make anal sex pain free. Pjur Backdoor is one of the more famous products and is applied in the form of a gel. You can use this along with any standard lubrication to help get the relaxing effects.
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Some products like Pjur Backdoor have a relaxant built in as well as a numbing agent to help with mild pain. There are some drawbacks to this kind of product though because the numbing agent can make who ever’s topping less sensitive too which may get in the way of the fun.
Taking the Pain Out of Anal Sex
Also, you have to be careful that you aren’t doing yourself more damage than you realize because you are less likely to notice the pain (remember that is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong).
But if used responsibly, then anal relaxants are a great way to ease your way into anal and combat some of the discomfort.
Practicing Anal Sex on Your Own
You can’t ride a bicycle without first learning with training wheels. That is unless you want to fall on the pavement and skid your knees.
Sex is no different. If you jump in without practicing on your own, then your first time will hurt.
Practicing can be a range of things from fingering yourself to using an anal sex toy. The important thing though is to do something to prepare yourself. The more you practice beforehand, the easier the real thing will be.
Sex toys like dildos and butt plugs are one of the best ways for you to get ready for anal sex on your own.
There are a large variety of anal dildos and butt plugs which are designed for anal sex. These offer a more realistic size and shape to give you a better idea of what to expect.
More importantly, they let you move at your own pace because you are in control. Think of a dildo as a stepping stone where you don’t have to worry about making mistakes or juggling that extra anxiety of having someone else there.
Like stretching out before going to the gym, using a toy on your own will help you to loosen up and make you better prepared and more comfortable while you are still learning how to have anal sex.
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Choosing the Best Anal Dildo
If you are especially tight (which most anal virgins are) then an anal trainer kit is a great tool to help you loosen up. These are essentially graduated butt plugs which come in sets of different sizes. These let you stretch out over multiple sessions and move up gradually.
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It may be uncomfortable the first few times, but the more you try, the more your body will become accustomed to the feeling.
For men, you can also look into using a prostate stimulator. These are specifically designed to hit the P-Spot (male G-spot) and re a great way to practice anal on your own. Using one will increase sensation and can give you one of the biggest orgasms of your life.
The Best Prostate Simulators
Keep at It
Like anything in life, the more you do it, the better you will get – anal sex is no different. Everyone is going to be a little nervous and inexperienced their first time. And that’s OK! The important thing is to make your best effort and keep trying.
If you are still nervous then practice more on your own and move at a pace that is comfortable for you.
We are constantly working to improve this guide, and will be updating it frequently to make it better. If you have feedback or tips then join the discussion below!
If you have any questions about how to have anal sex. follow us on YouTube and Facebook, or if would rather ask us directly feel free to email us at [email protected] or write them down in the comments below!