How to Have Anal Sex: 10 Easy Steps to Better Sex!

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Sex is complicated.  Anal sex is even more so.  For those who want to know how to have anal sex, you have come to the right place! Having anal sex for the first time isn’t easy, I know! But, if done right, anal sex can be some of the best sex you will ever have!

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How to Have Anal Sex: The Compete Guide

Before we talk about how to have anal sex, let’s start with the basics.  If you are going to have good sex then first and foremost, you need to be in touch with both your mind and body.

Phase 1: Understand Your Body

Keeping both in sync and listening to them is the first step to learning how to have anal sex that feels great! What Most People get wrong about anal sex is that the most important sex organ is not your penis or your bottom.

Understand Your Mind (The Most Important Sex Organ)


More than you may realize, sex is all about your state of mind.  Your brain is a powerful tool – It controls everything from your thoughts, feelings, movements, emotions, and your orgasm!

The biggest fear for anyone who has never had anal sex is definitely the pain.  This doesn’t help when being nervous or uptight is your absolute worst enemy when bottoming.

If you are not comfortable and mentally ready, it will cause your body to tense up – and that is a bad thing.

Sex is not something you should rush into or do on a whim.  You need to be comfortable and ready. It takes trust, communication, and patience.

Put simply, if you are not in the right state of mind, then your body won’t be either.

On the other hand, if you are in the RIGHT state of mind, you can have some of the most enjoyable anal sex imaginable!

Listen To Your Body

How to Have Anal Sex For the First Time 9

The simple most important piece of advice I can give to anyone starting out is to listen to what your body is telling you. Follow’s its cues and pay attention to what it is trying to tell you.

Before I knew how to have anal sex, I always thought anal sex had to be painful, but this is completely false!  The fact is:

Bottoming should not hurt.  

In fact, it should be some of the best sex that you have ever had!

To put it simply, pain Is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong.

This may mean you need to slow down, relax, and change what you are doing.  It may be even saying “I’m not ready yet.”

And that’s OK!

The most important skill is to learn how to read what your body is telling you and adapt what you are doing accordingly.

Phase 2: Prepare for Anal Sex

Before you have anal sex for the first time, we need to do a little anal training. Do you remember in gym class how at first you couldn’t touch your toes, but when you stretched every day it became second nature?

Well, we are going to do the same thing here. When you are just starting out, you might struggle to slip a finger in, but with the right workout routine, you’ll be ready to take a full dick in no time.

Learn to Control Your Anal Sphincter

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Before you have anal sex for the first time, you need to train your anus! Your anal sphincter is the muscle located at the anal entrance. You can think about this as the gatekeeper to your butt.

And like any muscle in your body, it can be torn or injured. This is why anal sex so often is painful! The good news is, that like every other muscle, it can also be trained, exercised, and stretched!

Just like before any serious exercise, we need to stretch to prevent injury, the same is true here. Our goal is to train a muscle that is naturally tense and tight, to be relaxed and flexible.

Anal Sex Training Supplies

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In the following sections I will explain how to use these to prepare for anal sex, but as a general run down you will need:

  • Anal Lube
  • Lube Injector
  • Anal Enema
  • Anal Trainer Kit

Practice with An Anal Trainer Kit

More than anything, it is thickness or “girth” that will cause sphincter tearing or pain. An anal trainer kit works by starting with a narrow anal plug and slowly moving up in size from the tip to the base.

This lets your body move slowly between tapered thicknesses and work up to a more realistic thickness. Using it is simple – On your first few days of practice, use the smallest size. As you get more comfortable you can slowly move up. Once you are able to manage the largest size, you are ready for real anal sex!


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Use an Anal Lube

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Yes, things like hand lotion work, but many lubes are not designed for anal sex, and are not condom safe.

If you want to be as safe and comfortable as possible you should get a lubricant designed for anal sex. Even better, there are many lubricants made specifically for anal sex and do the job better than almost anything out there.

I have used Pjur Analyse Me! for years because it is super slippery, long-lasting, and has an anal relaxant to help loosen you up and prevents pain.

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Pre-Apply Your Lubricant with a Lube Injector

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Lube injectors are also an excellent tool to help make anal sex easier and are a great way to get lots of lube inside without making a mess.

They work like a syringe and literally shoot lube deep inside.  They cost about $10 and are way more comfortable and easier to use than trying to shove gobs of lube in with your finger.

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Use a Condom for Safer Anal Sex

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If you are going to have anal sex then I cannot stress how important it is to use a condom. Having unprotected anal sex makes you up to 18 times more likely to transmit an STD compared to any other type of sex. The risk is real.  That is why it is so important to use one.

Luckily, wearing a condom doesn’t have to suck.  Today, condoms are thinner and stronger than ever before. By having safer sex now you can make fewer compromises in terms of safety vs. feel.

Additionally, most medical centers and clinics give out free condoms, even by mail. Health services and safe-sex programs have gotten so widespread that if you know where to look, you could easily never pay for condoms.

If though, you feel like buying your own, then there is a great selection of condoms ideal for anal sex. Our top pick is Lifestyles Ultra Lubricated condoms because you don’t need to worry about these breaking.

If safety is your number one priority, then this is the way to go.  They are also super slippery with extra lube out of the package which is a must if you want the sex to actually feel good.

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Phase 4: Cleaning Up Before Anal Sex

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One of the biggest fears most people have when learning how to have anal sex the first time is getting over the poop phobia. It is understandable because no one wants to lose their backdoor virginity only to be greeted by a poop dick.  

Here is some good news though:

Push your fears aside, because, with the right steps and preparation, the whole “poop” thing is not a part of anal sex.

Fasting and a Proper Diet

The easiest way to clean out your pipes is pretty straightforward.  Simply start to limit what you eat 24 hours before having anal sex. This can be in the form of fasting or eating less the day before.

If you eat the day before, be mindful of foods like dairy, or spicy foods that can cause indigestion. Instead opt for foods high in fiber like bananas, leafy greens, and non-starchy vegetables.

Use the Bathroom

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  • About 1 to 2 hours before anal sex, use the bathroom normally.
  • Give yourself a good 20 minutes to let your body naturally move everything out on its own.
  • Consider flushing out with an enema for a deeper clean.
  • After you are douched, take a shower and clean your anal entrance.
  • Wash the area with a finger and some mild soap and warm water about an inch inside.
  • Don’t use too much soap or else your skin will get raw and can make anal sex painful.
  • Lastly, wait about an hour before sex and you should be completely clean!

Douch with an Anal Enema

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Planning ahead is a lot of work I know, and sometimes sex is spontaneous. The alternative if you are crunched for time or want to be extra thorough is douching using an anal enema. Douching is simply using water to flush your bowels out completely.

This works by using water to help to loosen up anything that might be lingering behind, and it makes everything empty out – fast.

Plus, douching with an enema will make anal sex more comfortable as a bottom and help set aside that first-timer anxiety. I didn’t start to douche until about a year after I started having sex, but boy does douche make a difference.

I have been using this Anal Douche for some time because it is comfortable, simple, and affordable.

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4 Sizes to Choose From

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Douching may sound a little strange when reading about it for the first time, but using an enema is much more common than you might think. Most people I know do douche, even if they are shy to talk about it. Just think –  porn stars don’t get that squeaky clean without a little help.

For a more in-depth walk-through, you can check out our guide on How to Use an Anal Enema here.

Phase 5: How to Have Anal Sex: The Real Thing!

Foreplay is a great way to set the mood, and make your body ready for the real thing, and is a great thing to try when learning how to have anal sex for the first time.

Foreplay: Kissing, Touching, and Atmosphere

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The atmosphere is key.  Everyone has different preferences but be creative.  Try playing music to set the mood.   Light some candles or adjust the lighting.  Little things can help add to the experience and make you more relaxed.

Massages are also a wonderful tool to help you relax.   Go slow, get intimate, and give a message that you would want to get.  Don’t forget to communicate with each other.   

Being relaxed and in the right state of mind can make all the difference when having good sex.

Try Rimming to Loosen Up

Yes, that’s right, rimming, licking butt, eating ass, whatever you want to call it.  Think of it as a massage with your tongue – and man does it feel great.

Now, I know what you are thinking, and I have one word for you – hygiene.

If you wash properly with soap and water before and make sure you clean about an inch inside, I promise you, you will be cleaner than a whistle.

I always say, never do something you don’t feel comfortable with.  But though, if you are feeling adventurous rimming is an exciting way to take foreplay to the next level.

Communicate and Ask Questions

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Sex is a two-person game.  That means communication in both directions.  I know that this is a skill not everyone is great at, but it is essential if you are going to have great sex.  Talk to each other, and read each other’s body language.

“Communication starts even before entering the bedroom.”

If you are nervous, express your concerns before actually having sex.  Tell him your thoughts, worries, and expectations.  He is probably just as nervous as you are.

Make sure you are both on the same page, and giving each other tips and expectations will make the whole experience go a lot smoother.

Talking during sex is just as important. If he is moving too fast, then speak up!  If you need more lube, tell him!

When you feel uncomfortable or if you ever need something then the best thing to do is to simply say so.

On the other hand, be sure to ask him questions, and talk about how he is feeling.  Make sure that you are both in sync throughout the process.

Go Slowly (And I Mean SLOWLY)

Tops, are not always the most considerate towards bottoms – usually, because they are not the ones who are in pain.  I get it, they are horny, and they are about to get laid.  But gosh damn it slow down!

Going slowly is something you need to make clear the first time you have sex as a bottom and are learning how to have anal sex.  Tell him he needs to go slowly and move in when you are comfortable.

Also, make sure to use plenty of lube inside and out.  Also, give him lots of lube for good measure too.

Now, have him enter slowly.

Start with just the tip.  Remember, this is probably your first time.

Your body isn’t quite sure what’s happening and you need to give yourself time to get used to this new feeling.

Once you are comfortable, let him move in small increments.

When I say small I am talking millimeters a time.

Next, wait a few seconds and have him pull out a little.  Then have him move back in, this time, a tiny bit more.

Wait, and pull out and go in just a bit further.

How to Have Anal Sex For the First Time 15

Repeat this and listen to your body.  Give yourself time to relax, and eventually, things will naturally loosen up.

Sometimes it takes 1 minute to get used to the feeling and sometimes it takes 10, but be patient. 

Eventually, you will be surprised by how relaxed your anal muscles will be. Just remember, anal sex should not hurt.

When he is fully in, it’s OK to have him wait inside while you adjust to the new feeling.  This might sound strange but I am totally serious.

Sex is NOT like porn and you won’t be pumping it out right after you start – especially on your first time.  You need time to work up to that point.

Move up slowly and soon enough you’ll be going at it.

Know When to Stop

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You have come this far but always remember – It is OK to stop!

Anal sex is a tricky business.  Not everyone gets it on their first try, and it is not worth having a painful, miserable first experience.

Your priority should be protecting yourself and making sure you don’t get hurt.

Also, don’t worry about disappointing the other person.  If he truly cares about you then he will understand. And remember, you can always try again!

Phase 6: After Anal Sex

No matter how much you prepare, there is always a risk of getting fissures, or small tears from anal sex.

Fissures and hemorrhoids are not fun, and seeing blood after anal sex can be a very scary experience.  The best thing to do is treat your fissures quickly and follow a few simple steps to prevent them in the future.

Blood and Discomfort

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The first thing to do is keep those fissures clean. This is the most important tip of all to make sure they heal quickly!

Right after sex, take a shower and push outward slightly to expose the cuts.  Rinse well with warm water.

It will hurt but you need to do this as soon as possible. Also, make sure to do this every time you go to the bathroom in the following days.

If you stay on top of it and keep the area clean then your fissures should clear up within a few days.

If they are especially painful, try using a little lube every time before going to the bathroom.  It will sting, but it will help move things along.

Preventing Fissures and Hemorrhoids

Avoiding fissures and hemorrhoids is just as important and much better than getting them in the first place.  Simple things like drinking lots of water every day and staying properly hydrated can help keep your body lubricated which will, in turn, make your stool softer when going to the bathroom.

Also, eating a high-fiber diet with fruits and vegetables will keep your digestive system in tip-top shape.  Try avoiding dairy as well as high acid foods, and especially spicy foods.

Lastly, you should try to poop at least once a day, every day, if not more.  Make it a habit.  This will really help, I promise.   Using the bathroom regularly helps to make sure your stool stays soft and easy to pass.

Avoiding Pain in the Future
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For some people no matter what they do, bottoming still hurts.  The best thing to do is to continue practicing on your own and learning to relax your sphincter muscles.  Remember to breathe deeply and not to tense up.

If you are still having problems then anal relaxants are a great way to get that extra help to loosen up a bit and make anal sex pain-free.  Pjur Backdoor is one of the more famous products and is applied in the form of a gel.  You can use this along with any standard lubrication to help get the relaxing effects.

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Some products like Pjur Backdoor have a relaxant built-in as well as a numbing agent to help with mild pain.  There are some drawbacks to this kind of product though because the numbing agent can make whoever’s topping less sensitive too which may get in the way of the fun.

Also, you have to be careful that you aren’t doing yourself more damage than you realize because you are less likely to notice the pain (remember that is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong).

But if used responsibly, then anal relaxants are a great way to ease your way into anal and combat some of the discomfort.

Continue to Practice Anal on Your Own

How to Have Anal Sex For the First Time 13

You can’t ride a bicycle without first learning with training wheels. That is unless you want to fall on the pavement and skid your knees.

Sex is no different.  If you jump in without practicing on your own, then your first time will hurt.

Practicing can be a range of things from fingering yourself to using an anal sex toy.  The important thing though is to do something to prepare yourself.  The more you practice how to have anal sex beforehand, the easier the real thing will be.

Anal Sex Starter Kit

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:If you are looking to practice how to have anal sex on your own, then you can opt for the Anal Sex Starter Kit. It comes with all of the tools we mentioned above including

3 Plug Silicone Anal Trainer Kit
2 Cock Rings
2 Lube Injectors
Anal Enema (90ml)
Pjur Analyse Me Lube (100ml)
Toy Cleaner (100ml)

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More Anal Sex Toys
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Sex toys like dildos and butt plugs are some of the best ways for you practice how to have anal sex on your own.

There are a large variety of anal dildos and butt plugs that are designed for anal sex.  These offer a more realistic size and shape to give you a better idea of what to expect.

More importantly, they let you move at your own pace because you are in control.  Think of a dildo as a stepping stone where you don’t have to worry about making mistakes or juggling that extra anxiety of having someone else there.

Like stretching out before going to the gym, using a toy on your own will help you to loosen up and make you better prepared and more comfortable while you are still learning how to have anal sex.

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It may be uncomfortable the first few times, but the more you try, the more your body will become accustomed to the feeling.

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For men, you can also look into using a prostate stimulator.  These are specifically designed to hit the P-Spot (male G-spot) and are a great way to practice how to have anal sex on your own.  Using one will increase sensation and can give you one of the biggest orgasms of your life.

Practice Makes Perfect

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Like anything in life, the more you do it, the better you will get – anal sex is no different. Everyone is going to be a little nervous and inexperienced the first time.  And that’s OK!  The important thing is to make your best effort and keep trying.

If you are still nervous then practice more on your own and move at a pace that is comfortable for you.

We are constantly working to improve this guide and will be updating it frequently to make it better.  If you have feedback or tips then join the discussion below!

There you have it! Our full guide on how to have anal sex.  If you have any tips about how to have anal sex for the first time or would like to share your own stories then please leave them in the comments.

If you have any questions about how to have anal sex. follow us on YouTube and Facebook, or if would rather ask us directly feel free to email us at [email protected] or write them down in the comments below!

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  1. Great article. I used similar steps and patience with a friend two weeks ago. We’ve been seeing each other for three years off and on but had never gone “all the way”. He enjoyed it and now wants more

  2. I got to bottom with a guy who was really big,9″ and thick, he used lots of lube and eased his way in slowly and after a while he began to bring it harder and deeper and next thing I know he is pounding my asshole and I’m loving it. He must have fucked me for 15-20 minutes till he pulled out turned me around and blew a massive load all over my face and neck.

  3. I have a question. Everyone talks about girth being the problem, but for me, the more girth the better. My issue is with length. I have a guy with a 10-inch dick, but he hits something at about 9 inches and it hurts if he does not too hard. How do I practice to allow the full 10 inches in?

  4. My black man is 8 plus and thick. I am very tight and I have anal once with him. Would a butt plug work to assist me taking his huge cock. What size is appropriate.

  5. My partner wants to fuck my ass, but his cock is so monstrous, I am afraid it won’t fit in my asshole. Is it better to use a dildo or butt plugs to stretch my ass hole so that I can accommodate his manhood?
    I usually suck his cock, he cums in my mouth and then pisses on me. He makes me rim his asshole and he likes to tie me up and gag me. He is training me to be his sub and obey his commands.

  6. I can remember my first anal sex. I’m a male crossdresser but a lot of women and men have given me credit for looking at the best they’ve ever seen, as a woman. I met this guy and we use to flirt with each other. When we actually was committed to having anal sex, I prefer to be a bottom in all because my prostate gets stimulated getting me relaxed wearing stiletto, open toe, sandal high heels 5 inch heel height. Well, I got on my knees and used my saliva to lubricate the knob, my hole was lubricated well and then here comes something that was a stick about 2.5 inches to 3.5 inches width pushing inward, and it was about 7 or 8 inches long, wow that was the best and smoothest I had and didn’t have a problem. He was pulling out most of it except the head, and pushed against me for a couple of minutes. His stick helped to lubricate deeper inside and having the muscles inside is starting get relaxed, by the time he pulls out and pushed deep against me then he was able to go faster and I enjoyed every moment and it was amazing, every time I have anal sex I remember the first time. So I’ve been with this one guy for 10 years and after dating for a while, we dont use condoms at all, he either gives me a creampie back door or a mouth load. Anal sex actually feels good, when I was dating a female, having nothing being pushed in my door it was like pointless so my girlfriend at the time, went and bought a butt plug and she’s the one inserting them in my hole, and sex became a-live and amazing again.

  7. I’m a top. I did bottom in my early 20s but that was 30 years ago. When I’m with a new guy, I actually prefer to go slow because usually there is anticipation of “fresh dick” and I like to ride the mental thrill of a new fuck bud. It works for us both. I don’t like the porn slamming but a nice rythum mixes it up. I think I’m in the minority in that I don’t actually like to cum inside a guy’s hole…the feeling is to constrained. I love to pull out and drop my ropes all over my guy anywhere he wants. I treat anal no more/no less than any other sex act. But i’m always grateful when a guy allows me to enter his hole…I feel priviledged and turned on that he wants my cock to pleasure him this way. Slow sex is the best!