Am I Gay, Straight, Bi, or Just Confused? 10 Quick Tips to Understand Your Sexuality

At some point in your life, you may question whether or not you are gay. This can be a confusing and anxiety-inducing experience, but it is perfectly normal. Sexuality is a spectrum, and it can take time to figure out where you fall on that spectrum. There are a number of signs that can help you determine if you are gay, including how you feel about your own gender and attraction to others. Below we answer some common questions for those wondering, “Am I gay?” to help you better understand your own sexual identity.

Am I Gay?

To start, ask yourself if you feel more attracted to people of the same gender? This is the most basic and straightforward place to start. If you find yourself constantly thinking about or crushing on people who are the same gender as you, it is likely that you might be gay. But not so fast! There are still many important things you can pay attention to better understand if you are gay, bi, curious, or something else.

Who Do You Spend Time Looking at?

Another sign of your sexuality can be easily tested by paying attention to how often you spend time looking at others. Do you find yourself constantly checking out people of the opposite gender? When a new person walks into the room and your eyes shift to check them out, is it typically because they are from the opposite or of the same gender.

Regardless of how you react, are you even entirely sure why? If by chance you find your eyes naturally gravitating towards the same sex, this could be a sign that you are more attracted to people of your own gender. Simply let your instincts take over and pay attention to your natural reaction to others.

Dreams Are a Reflection of Your Deeper Thoughts

Dreams are a time in which we let our minds flow free and truly let our guard down. This is because sleep is you at your most vulnerable and relaxed state. Who and what you dream about is a strong reflection of your true feelings and subconscious. Do you find yourself dreaming about the same or opposite sex?

If for example, your dreams are majorly about people of the same sex whom you admire in the real world both romantically or platonically, especially if they are positive, then this might be a strong indicator of who you are attracted to.

Furthermore, pay attention to the contents of your dreams, and if they include romantic or sexual fantasies. No matter how you may control your thoughts consciously in the waking world – if you find yourself fantasizing about the same gender in an intimate way, this is a clear reflection of your deeper sexuality.

Who Do you Naturally Think About Often?

This one may seem like a no-brainer, but the best way to figure out if you are homosexual is by thinking about who you are attracted to. Do you find yourself daydreaming or fantasizing about people of the same gender? Do you often find yourself blocking your thoughts because you feel they are strange or unnatural? Being aware of how you manage your inner self can help reveal your true identity that may be buried deeper down.

In addition to these signs, there are other factors that can help you determine if you are gay or straight. For example, does the idea of being with a particular gender make you feel happy and excited? Does your heart speed up around men or women? If you find yourself feeling attracted to or aroused by people of the same gender, these may be signs that you are gay or not.

Also, pay attention to the people you actively want to spend time around. Is this person who makes you feel happy in just a platonic way, or something more? Being able to honestly distinguish your feelings of friendship and the romantic attraction will help you understand your deeper feelings. Asking these questions and thinking honestly about your true feelings without self-judgment can help you determine your sexuality and figure out if you are gay or straight.

Actively Work Through Your Feelings in the Real World

If you are still unsure about your sexuality, it may help to talk to someone who can offer impartial advice, such as a therapist, counselor, or gay friend. They can help you explore your feelings and attractions in a safe and non-judgmental environment, and can help you find clarity about your sexuality. Ultimately, the most important thing is to be true to yourself and trust your own instincts when it comes to determining your sexual identity.

When Do Most People Realize They are Gay?

Many people take years to understand and come to terms with their sexuality. For some, this can happen as early childhood, whereas a majority of people may start to have feelings during puberty. This is because puberty is a time in which our bodies and hormones are changing, and our sexuality becomes more present in our forethoughts, which can affect how we feel about ourselves and others.

Everyone Has a Different Timeline to Understanding Their Sexuality

It is important to remember that there is no fixed timeline for realizing your sexual identity. Some people may know from birth while for others it may take much longer, even in their 20s, 30s, or late adulthood. Coming to terms with your true self comes down to your environment, personality, and interpersonal relationships. This is because sexuality is a spectrum, and there are many different factors that can influence where you fall on that spectrum. Some people may find that they are attracted to both genders, while others may only feel attracted to just one.

Remember that no one decides to be gay or straight. It is something that we discover through time and life experience. There is no wrong or right answer when it comes to understanding your own sexuality. The most important thing is to be true to yourself, and trust your instincts when it comes to discovering who you are attracted to.

Is Being Gay Normal?

In short, yes! There is nothing abnormal or wrong with being gay. Sexuality is a spectrum, from strictly straight to completely gay, to anything and everything in between. Homosexuality is not new, and not something that is exclusive to humans. In fact, homosexuality is present throughout all of recorded history and is found throughout nature.

Homosexuality Has a Long and Real History

There is evidence of homosexual activity throughout history, both in the form of art and documentation. For example, historians believe that the ancient Greeks may have considered homosexuality to be a normal part of society. Similarly, there is evidence of homosexuality in other ancient cultures such as China, Japan, and Rome.

For Example, Alexander the Great and Hephaestion were considered to be life-long lovers, despite being married to women. Alexander also famously had another male lover, the Persian youth “Bagoas” whom he was famously marked as the most beautiful among Alexander’s male followers. Even on the other side of the world, in Imperial China Duke Ling & Mizi Xia is widely known as one of the most famous accounts of same-sex love.

It is Only in Recent History that Homosexuality has been Considered Abnormal

This is likely due to the rise of Christianity and its views on sex and sexuality. However, even in the face of this anti-gay rhetoric, there has always been a community of LGBTQ individuals who have fought for acceptance and equality. Today, homosexuality is still a part of many cultures around the world, and there are some societies that have once again begun to celebrate same-sex relationships.

Homosexuality Is Common Throughout Nature

Homosexuality is not unique to humans and is a naturally occurring trait in species throughout the animal kingdom. Other social mammals such as giraffes, dolphins, lions, bison, and monkeys also commonly have homosexual members and even long-term partnerships.

Did you know that 1 in 5 swans are long-term same-sex partners, and 8% of male sheep prefer males even in the presence of other females? This goes to show that same-sex attraction is more common than most people realize and common throughout nature.

Am I Gay, Bisexual, or Something Else?

If you are having a hard time understanding your own sexuality, it can be helpful to start by exploring what being gay or bisexual means.

Gay men are attracted to other men, while bisexual men are attracted to both men and women. It is important to remember that sexuality is a spectrum, and there is no one “right” or “normal” way to identify.

One way to explore your sexual identity can be to look at the types of relationships that you are drawn to. For example, if you find yourself attracted to both men and women, this may indicate that you are bisexual.

Sexuality is a Spectrum

Alternatively, if you find that you only feel attracted to people of one gender, this may suggest that you identify as gay. Some people may also find that they are attracted to both genders, but feel more comfortable with one gender than the other.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to be true to yourself and trust your instincts when it comes to exploring your sexuality. And don’t feel pressure to put a strict label on yourself. It’s ok to let you be you.

Is Being Gay Just a Phase?

Some people may believe that being gay is only a phase, but this is not necessarily true. If you find that you are consistently attracted to people of the same gender, it is likely that your feelings are genuine and here to stay.

While it is common for people to experiment with their sexuality during their teenage and college years, if you find that you are seriously questioning your own sexuality, it is very likely that your feelings are real and that you feel same-sex attraction to some degree.

Sexuality Can Be Fluid, Flexible, and Evolve With Time

However, it is also important to note that sexuality can be fluid, meaning that people’s attractions can evolve over time. So even if you are currently only attracted to one gender, this may not always be the case. Although our core sexuality has a strong basis for our future attactions, it can still shift depending on your life experience as you explore who you are as a person. You may find that you like a spectrum of genders, personalities, and types of people as you continue to grow and mature.

There is no one right or wrong way to identify, so trust your instincts and be true to yourself. If you are struggling to come to terms with your sexuality, it is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with being gay, straight, bisexual, or something without a clear label. You are just as normal as anyone else.

If you are confused about your own sexuality, it is important to explore these feelings and seek out the support of trusted friends or people with similar experiences. There is no shame in trying a variety of relationships and talking to someone about your feelings to help you to better understand yourself.

Pansexuality and Sapiosexuality

Can I Change My Sexuality?

Some people may try to change their sexuality when they realize they might be gay. Some may even be pressured to go through what is known as “gay conversion therapy” or other programs to try and change their sexual identity. However, the truth is that sexuality is a natural part of your psychology and biology, and not something that can be reprogrammed.

Conversion Therapy is Ineffective and Even Dangerous

In fact, research has shown that gay conversion therapy is not only ineffective but dangerous to mental health. People who underwent conversion therapy have a significantly higher risk of depression, and mental illness, and are twice as likely to commit suicide.

Furthermore, conversion therapy has been outlawed in many countries like the US, Canada, and the UK due to its proven ineffectiveness and harmful nature, and is considered a form of discrimination and mental abuse.

Ultimately, this is because homosexuality is not a disease even according to the US CDC, Department of Health, and American Psychiatric Association. Therefore homosexuality is not something that can be “cured”.

If you are struggling with your sexuality and are considering changing it, it is important to remember that it is, in fact, not something that can be changed.

However, there are many resources and support groups available for LGBTQ individuals who are looking to explore their identity. Whether you are questioning your sexuality, or have come to terms with it and are looking for like-minded individuals, there is a community out there for you.

How Can I Be Sure That I Am Gay?

This is a common question people ask when they are questioning their sexuality. And unfortunately, there is no clear answer.

Defining your own sexuality is something that only you yourself can do, and many people may spend months or years wondering to themselves, “am I gay?”. Whether you are straight, bi, or gay, this is not a decision that your family, friends, or society can make for you. This is YOUR personal identity that you need to discover for yourself and ultimately come to terms with. The best way to do this is to be constantly in tune and aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. When you are willing to truly explore, question, and accept yourself, then and only then will you be able to be sure of your own sexuality. 

I Think I Am Gay, What Should I Do Next?

If you think you are gay, the best thing you can do is take time to become comfortable with yourself. This will take a different amount of time depending on your environment and situation. If it is safe to do so, it may be a good idea to reach out to someone else with a similar sexual identity who can support and guide you through this process.

There are many resources and support groups available for LGBTQ individuals, including online forums and meetup groups. This can be a great way to meet other people who are going through the same thing as you and to learn more about your sexuality.

It is also important to remember that there is nothing wrong with being gay, straight, bisexual, or something without a clear label. You are just as normal as anyone else.

Should I Come out of the Closet?

If and when you are comfortable, you can also consider telling a friend, family member, or role model in your life. Having someone close to whom you can confide in will help you to feel supported and can make coming to terms with your sexuality much easier.

Whether or not you choose to come out of the closet is a very personal decision, and something you will need to gauge yourself. You should only come out of the closet if and when you feel safe, comfortable, and ready to do so. You shouldn’t feel pressured to come out for anyone but your own future well-being.

Regardless of what you do, it is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with being gay, and you are not alone in your struggle. With the right resources and support, you can learn to accept and embrace yourself for who you truly are.