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Fine-tuning your gaydar takes time, patience, practice, and a little bit of luck. If you want to gain a sixth sense and be an expert on how to know if someone is gay, then this is the article for you.
In my experience, if you are suspicious that someone is gay, then there is a good chance that you are already off to a good start. This is because much of figuring out someone’s sexuality comes from your intuition and gut feeling.
But aside from your gut, there are a few basic tricks that can really work for those learning how to know if someone is gay. This process is pretty simple, but not easy! In short, you will have to pay close attention to details and step outside of your comfort zone.
How to Know if Someone is Gay | Gaydar 101
Time needed: 1 hour and 30 minutes.
How to Tell if He is Gay
- Don’t Rely on Stereotypes
Although it may be easiest to fall back on stereotypes, I can tell you from experience that sexuality and behavior may sometimes go together, but are in no way a sure sign.
Beer drinking, football loving, deep voiced muscle guys can love the dick. And Broadway singing, brunch going, bubbly, bouncy boys can be straight as an arrow.
Although stereotypical signs may set you off on a good start, they are in no way a rule to tell if someone is gay (or not). So forget what you have learned in the past, ignore the loud noise, and pay attention to the more subtle details.
- The Truth Is In The Eyes
You know when you are attracted to someone and get that fluttery feeling in your chest? Well, what it I told you that you can SEE this feeling in other people around you!
When we are sexually attracted to someone, our pupils will rapidly dilate and shrink. It is subtle, but pay close attention to his pupils the next time you are looking into their eyes. You might just get the reaction you are looking for.
- Pay Attention to Who He Checks Out
This next trick is even more simple but very effective. When we see someone hot, then our eyes and body will unconsciously shift focus. The next time you are in a public area together, pay close attention to this.
Do they turn and take a look when a hot girl comes into the room? How about a guy? These involuntary reactions are quick so pay close attention. The darting eyes, or this momentary fix when someone passes by. If they do a double take or have their eyes on someone you also find attractive, chances are they are into the same-sex.
- Ask The Right Questions
One common method I use is to be mindful of the words you use.
Don’t ask: Do you have a girlfriend?
Instead Ask: Are you dating anyone?
This removes any assumption of sexual preference and leaves the door open for him to answer honestly. Pay attention to his response. Does he specifically use gender, or does he remain more general? Ask more questions about dating, and even gay issues in general!
Another question I like to ask is:
“Do you have any older brothers?”
Although this is not a direct indication, there is science to back up that men with older brothers are statistically more likely to be gay. His response may not give you a sure answer, but it can be a good start to see if you are getting warmer.
- Be Open About Your Own Sexuality
If you expect him to share his own sexuality, then you need to first be honest and open about yourself. It will also let him know that if he is in a safe space to share and be open.
Through this process you want to break down walls, build up trust, and let him know he is in a judgment free zone! When you tell him you are gay, you might just hear him say, “Me too!”.
- Be Direct – Just Ask Him!
It has taken me a long time to utilize this method but it is by far the most effective. If you are out of the closet or have a bit of confidence, then have a private conversation with him and pop the question, especially if you have tested the above points (also a drink or two doesn’t hurt to lighten the mood).
Most guys are surprisingly not aggressive with this.
Again, be mindful of the words you use.
Don’t ask: “Are you gay?”
Instead ask: “Are you interested in guys?”.
I have had a few people that came out to me long after I asked. Their excuse: that they identified as bi, so they answered no to “gay”.
Just remember that at this point he might not be ready to come out and you might not get a fully honest answer. Even if you don’t get to hear what you want, this is by far the fastest and most effective way of how to know if someone is gay.
- Respect His Privacy
If you do get the answer you were looking for, then please be respectful. He probably told you his sexuality because he trusts you – so respect that trust.
Remember that he may not be out to his friends and family yet. Regardless of how excited or relieved you might be, it is important that you respect his confidentiality and treat him how you would want to be treated.
There is no one magic bullet on how to know if someone is gay. The key is to follow your gut, pick up on even the subtlest cues, and use good judgment. With time, you will become better and knowing if someone is gay will become second nature.