How To Know if Someone is Gay in 5 Easy Steps!

Although it may be easiest to fall back on stereotypes, I can tell you from experience that sexuality and behavior may sometimes go together but are in no way a sure sign.

Beer drinking, football-loving, deep-voiced muscle guys can love the dick. And Broadway singing, brunch going, bubbly, bouncy boys can be straight as an arrow.

Although stereotypical signs may set you off on a good start, they are in no way a rule to tell if someone is gay (or not). So forget what you have learned in the past, ignore the loud noise, and pay attention to the more subtle details. 

Do you know when you are attracted to someone and get that fluttery feeling in your chest? Well, what if I told you that you can SEE this feeling in other people around you!

When we are sexually attracted to someone, our pupils will rapidly dilate and shrink.  It is subtle, but pay close attention to his pupils the next time you are looking into their eyes. You might just get the reaction you are looking for. 

This next trick is even more simple but very effective. When we see someone hot, then our eyes and body will unconsciously shift focus.  The next time you are in a public area together, pay close attention to this. 

Do they turn and take a look when a hot girl comes into the room? How about a guy?  These involuntary reactions are quick so pay close attention.  The darting eyes, or this momentary fix when someone passes by.  If they do a double-take or have their eyes on someone you also find attractive, chances are they are into the same-sex. 

One common method I use is to be mindful of the words you use. 

Don’t ask: Do you have a girlfriend?
Instead Ask: Are you dating anyone?

This removes any assumption of sexual preference and leaves the door open for him to answer honestly. Pay attention to his response. Does he specifically use gender, or does he remain more general? Ask more questions about dating, and even gay issues in general!

Another question I like to ask is: 
“Do you have any older brothers?” 

Although this is not a direct indication, there is science to back up that men with older brothers are statistically more likely to be gay. His response may not give you a sure answer, but it can be a good start to see if you are getting warmer. 

If you expect him to share his own sexuality, then you need to first be honest and open about yourself. It will also let him know that if he is in a safe space to share and be open.

Through this process, you want to break down walls, build up trust, and let him know he is in a judgment-free zone! When you tell him you are gay, you might just hear him say, “Me too!”. 

It has taken me a long time to utilize this method but it is by far the most effective. If you are out of the closet or have a bit of confidence, then have a private conversation with him and pop the question, especially if you have tested the above points (also a drink or two doesn’t hurt to lighten the mood). 

Most guys are surprisingly not aggressive with this. 

Again, be mindful of the words you use. 

Don’t ask: “Are you gay?” 
Instead ask: “Are you interested in guys?”. 

I have had a few people that came out to me long after I asked. Their excuse? They identified as bi, so they answered no to “gay”. 

Just remember that at this point he might not be ready to come out and you might not get a fully honest answer. Even if you don’t get to hear what you want, this is by far the fastest and most effective way of how to know if someone is gay. 

If you do get the answer you were looking for, then please be respectful. He probably told you his sexuality because he trusts you – so respect that trust. 

Remember that he may not be out to his friends and family yet. Regardless of how excited or relieved you might be, it is important that you respect his confidentiality and treat him how you would want to be treated.