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Some people are not good at being alone, yet some are just too good at it. Some like to be single, and enjoy the freedom, and for others, the desire of having a significant other grows stronger and stronger each day. Recently, I started asking myself, “Do I need a Boyfriend?”, and it is a question that I didn’t initially have an answer to.
Maybe the minute you saw the title, you’ve already known how you felt. But like many of those reading now, I have pondered this question for quite a while.
If you look at it from a scientific perspective, you know that most people want to be with someone. Relationships are the foundation of society, which connects people and their social lives. We have family, friends, partners, lovers, and acquaintances – of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have others around us.
The desire of wanting a person to love is overwhelming. You could say that it is hormonal, which makes you feel the urge to be intimate with someone. But I think another big part of the reason is the influence from others in our lives.
Couples that walk past you every day, and the constant bombardment of romance in movies and fiction, or your crazy-in-love parents or friends you see on a daily basis can make the desire for a relationship even stronger. For me, it almost felt like the whole world was forcing me to find a person to love and be with – otherwise, I wasn’t living my life the right way.
I was on a constant search for my Prince Charming!
I’d like to think that maybe Mr. Right is out there waiting for me but I just haven’t found them yet. But now more than ever I realize that in a world of more than 7 billion people, the odds of finding the perfect match is almost 0%. After you eliminate those who are not in the same area, age, or already taken – not to mention finding someone who matches your ideal type or qualities. The options that you are left with? Almost no one.
If you are the lucky person reading this who has already found “the one”, congrats! Your love has beaten the odds. But for to those who haven’t found the right person, this is not your fault. Finding love is hard.
So, if you are single, or not 100% satisfied in your relationship, just know – you are perfectly normal.
But even after realizing this I had to still ask myself.
Why do I feel Incomplete ?
You may ask yourself: Is there something that I lack, that I need another person to fill? Is it because I just don’t have certain qualities in myself, so I look for them in others? Or Is it possible that I am forcing myself to find a relationship just in order to feel better about myself?
I feel less brave when I am alone. But it doesn’t mean I am ready to find a boyfriend. In fact…
I feel just fine all by myself.
All this time I thought there was something wrong with me that made myself unlikable, when the real reason I was still single was that I wasn’t prepared to have someone significant in my life yet.
Still now, I am not ready to give up my own little world. I am used to living my life alone, and for me, a “plus one” can make everything unbalanced.
I am starting to appreciate the good sides to being single. I can go to wherever and whenever I want to without worrying about another person’s opinion and schedule. Being alone has helped me to see that I love being single. It has also allowed me to learn to love myself.
For anyone struggling with the sadness or loneliness of being single I want you to know – you should always feel safe and complete with yourself, and if you don’t feel that way, Mr. or Ms. Right is not the solution.
You need to first fully love and be comfortable with yourself before you can love another person. Two broken pieces don’t make one whole, but instead, two full people make a couple.
This change in my thinking has changed my outlook on my single life. Now, I can go through the day without being negative, even when I feel lonely or miserable about not having my special someone.
I am no expert in love or relationships, but I do know that love is out there somewhere waiting, that it tends to happen when you least expect it. You might miss it the first few times. And that’s okay.
We never really NEED someone in our lives because even without another person there, you are still a whole person, a complete soul, and there’s no one who can change that about you. So always remember to love yourself.
[ Cover Image by Pia Kristine under Flickr Creative Commons ]